Person jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
What's black and grey and red all over?
A dead r******.
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
You’re the type of person who would pee before a shower.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.
No one is smart. I am smart.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.