Person jokes
Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.
Hitla: That's exactly what I said.
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
What's it called when a Black person makes a joke? A joke, you racist.
JK, dark humor.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣
There was a guy called John.
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.
What do you call a flat-chested depressed person?
A cutting board.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.
Helen Keller.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.