What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Person Jokes
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person?
About 3 years.
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?
They both don’t work.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?
They’re never straight with you.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
