Person jokes

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Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?

If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?

Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.

What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.

What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.

What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.

You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.

Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?

Because they heard the drinks were on the house!

Why did the short person become a chef?

Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!