Person jokes
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?
Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.