Person jokes
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?
They’re never straight with you.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.
You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
Why did the short person become a chef?
Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!
I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant non-bi dairy?
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!