People jokes

Why did people say a man had nothing? ... Because he was a-nonymous.

Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Why are Chinese people bad at baseball?

Because they ate the bases.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

What do black people and sports cars have in common?

Getting a noise complaint for being so loud.

What do you call a group of black people in a shed?

Antique farm equipment.

How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.

Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.

Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast.

GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with Soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom. Soph: "This is why Arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded."

Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: "BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF!"

Adapt: Hey Adapt, did you know you're smart? Smart for being retarded. Yo Adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your Roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!

Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: "YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE" Normal People: I support only 1 team. Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And I'm the biggest plastic in the server!!

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

How do Chinese people name their children?

They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!

What sandwich spread makes people itch?

Flea-nut butter.