People jokes

What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.

I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.

Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

Normal people: I'm my own nationality.

Michael Jackson: Click here to change nationality.

People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.

Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!

What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.

Guess who I saw at school today?

Everyone I looked at. loooooooool

I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.

What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench?

The NBA.

Three Nazis walk into a bar.

Vegans: Save the Earth.

Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!

Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.

Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?

Cancer is like a video game.

Some people cannot beat it.

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.