People jokes

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

Why can't British people play chess?

Because they lost their queen.

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!

British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎

Guys, we should stop telling orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad. Oh...

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.

What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!

Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...

Rape...hurt...and sell them!

How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?

4

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.

When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.