People jokes

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Bro, I love hanging out with white people, it's either we play Yahtzee, or we playin' Nazi.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.

Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.

What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.

I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.

Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.

Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!

There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.

I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

Guess who I saw at school today?

Everyone I looked at. loooooooool

Normal people: I'm my own nationality.

Michael Jackson: Click here to change nationality.

Three Nazis walk into a bar.

Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?

Vegans: Save the Earth.

Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!

Cancer is like a video game.

Some people cannot beat it.