People jokes
People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
Rocks are used too much; people take 'em for granite.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???
Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.
Yo mama is so fat when she sees a bus full of white people, she thinks it's a Twinkie, lmao xd.
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a PC?
When my PC crashes, I actually give a fuck.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.