People jokes

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

Why can't Asian people use a telephone?

Because they might wing the wrong number.

Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

What do you call a short person that goes to school?

A Sammie.

Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?

Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”

Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4

LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.

Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.

If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.

A chopper full of white people is also called a helicopter.

A chopper full of black people is called a hellacopter.

God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say, "Paint the wall black," you have to say, "Jamal, could you paint the wall?"

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.

But one day I realized, they Israel.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.

When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.