People jokes

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?

How rare they are.

Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?

Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?

Who said white people can't jump?

Look at the footage from 9/11.

What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?

Michelin.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.

What do you call a short person that goes to school?

A Sammie.

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”

Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4

LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.

Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.

But one day I realized, they Israel.

A chopper full of white people is also called a helicopter.

A chopper full of black people is called a hellacopter.