People jokes
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
Memes
Why does this always happen to me...
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
Why do leftists strive for a literate population?
So people can understand their wall of text memes.
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.