People jokes
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
What do Afghanistan people love about bombs?
They're black and go off.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-
Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”