People jokes

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?

"What's up?"

How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."

These are funny, y'all are disgusting people. Just shut the f*** up. Rape isn't something you joke about.

I help suicidal people.

BTW verb not adjective.

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

Why can't white people post jokes about making fun of black people, but black people can post jokes about making fun of white people?

Because white people have white privilege.

Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.

Some people think emo jokes are funny, but I think it can cut both ways.

If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,

I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.

You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.

What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?

Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!

What do you call a girl with only one arm and leg?

Eileen.

Your mama so chubby, people call her fat.

Why don't booties get invited to parties?

They tend to CRACK people up!

People who wannabe rich and famous rappers should always look at Tekashi 6ix9ine, and learn what not to do.