People jokes
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.
Ok guys, I think we should stop being mean. That will tell their grandparents.
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?
People jumped off a building to escape it.
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
Cameron and Pav.
All of them.
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
You're so ugly you make gay/lesbian people straight!
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
There are more genders than there are cars in a Walmart parking lot.
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."