People jokes

"Simon says touch your chin."

The fat people be like, "Which one?"

Yo mama is so fat that people had to take pictures of her from space.

When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.

Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!

It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.

We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.

Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.

We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"

What made people mad?

Planes in Fortnite Battle Royale!

People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

Yo mama so UGLY... at the strip club... people pay her... to keep her clothes ON!!!

What sandwich spread makes people itch?

Flea-nut butter.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

I'm not completely useless....

I can be used as a bad example!

Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.

What do you call a deaf child?

-Ryan Simmonite-

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!

People who put jokes on here re: Depression are really not nice people, you yourselves are a fucking joke. 😩👎

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

This is mean af. Y'all need to stop this. Like, what the f *ck? What would happen if you all grew up and you were like this? Like, damn.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.

The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”