People jokes
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
My people are starving. Stop Africa jokes. Not funny >:(
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
Some people decide to start a blog.
Others decide to start a blog.
You know what my sink started?
A clog.
I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
I made a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, all of them don't work.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."