People jokes

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?

They’re just two weeks to quit.

Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?

Mum?

Mum?

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

Suicidal people are groundbreaking.

A killer gone up to 5 people and killed 4 of them. There were 2 couples and 1 third wheel. The 5th one was left single out...

Who are the fastest readers of all time?

People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.

What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?

Ashtraynauts.

Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???

Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?

The "Ching Chang Gang."

Why did people bully Steven Hawking?

Because he couldn't stand up for himself.

How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?

Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a PC?

When my PC crashes, I actually give a fuck.

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

You are all going to be pun-ished!