Past jokes
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
I have the superpower to predict the past.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
I don't like Roblox Adopt Me. It reminds me of my past.
What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?
They both went down on my dad.
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God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
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