Past jokes

Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?

No, well neither has he.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!

My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"

Anyone remember the following?

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

This is rifle. ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一 He needs help being spread across this website. Copy this message and paste it on any joke upon this website. Spread and save rifle.

What is one good thing about child molesters?

They drive slow past schools.

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

What do you get when a dinosaur farts?

A blast from the past!

Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.

This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!

Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"

A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.

I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

Q: Why can't you run through a campground?

A: You can only ran, because it's past tents!

To RANDYYYY,

Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.

-ALYA with love

What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?

What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.

Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.

People with bad past end up creating the worst future...

Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!