What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
*The doctor asking why Ive broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
well what am i gonna do now...
How do you fix a broken pizza with tomato paste
what do you get when the queen fart a noble gas... what do you get when a dino farts a blast from the past.. why are ninja farts so dangerous they are silent but deadly L O L S
S
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
Me: What the diffrtn between me and my grandpa? Friends: What? Me I've been alive for the past 14 years
Ur mum is so fat, that when she walked past the television I missed a whole series of SpongeBob
Why can't the orphan run past third base: Cause the orphan doesn't have a home to run to.
Its past April fool's day and we still have a joke as president.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them. "Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
Be grateful: You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
Me: I'm sorry Aaron. Aaron: Why? Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
So a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half of then the man says wow school supplies are low the week
We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.
My dad drove past a graveyard he said “I won’t be buried there.” I asked why. He said “Because I am not dead yet”
