Past jokes

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

What's black and white?

History.

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?

Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

TJ's hairline is so far back, if you travel back in time, you still won't find it.

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

I was walking past an orphan and I said, "Just go home."

Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?

A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.

Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.

Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.

What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?

They both went down on my dad.

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.