At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
Why did the emo leave the bar?
Because it was happy hour.
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?
You put food on the ceiling and they start jumping.
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
did jesus die a virgin no he got nailed before he died
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.
