Parent jokes

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

What's a benefit of being an orphan?

No one makes yo mama jokes to you.