Parent jokes

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."