Parent jokes

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.