Parent jokes

What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?

Neither of them can see or hear their parents.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orphan.

Orphan who?

Are you my mommy?

Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What did the parents name their retarded baby? Dimitri

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

What's the one upside to being an orphan?

You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

Why do kids like to pick on orphans?

Because they can't call their parents.

Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?

Because they can't call their parents.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.