Parent jokes

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Whenever you wanna roast an orphan, say "yo mamma".

Why can’t orphans get in trouble?

Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.

What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?

They’re both alone, but only one is home.

What did the orphan say to his parents?

I'm tripping balls right now!

The orphan asked a genie to become Batman. Then he went home and saw his parents dead.

Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents!

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

Why do orphans want to be gay?

So they have someone to call "Daddy."

Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?

[Parent’s signature: __________]

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

'Cause they have no one to call daddy!

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

Why are orphans rude at school?

What's the school going to do? Call their parents?

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."

The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”