Parent Jokes

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

Because they needed someone to call "daddy".

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.

Because I hate dealing with parents.

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.