Parent jokes

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

Friend 2: Pizza.

Friend 3: Donuts.

Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

Because they needed someone to call "daddy".

Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?

Parental Login: __________

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.