Parent jokes

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

Friend 2: Pizza.

Friend 3: Donuts.

Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

Because they needed someone to call "daddy".

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.

Because I hate dealing with parents.

What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?

Call their parents.

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.