Parent jokes
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?
Call their parents.
I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.
Because I hate dealing with parents.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
I think one of my dads might be gay.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
Your dad never needed a van for you.
Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.
A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"