Parent jokes
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
The apples get picked.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.
A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
I think one of my dads might be gay.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
Your dad never needed a van for you.
Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.
A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."