Parent jokes
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least theyβll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" π€£π
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
The apples get picked.
Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.
Memes
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
Your dad never needed a van for you.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what sheβs doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You donβt need a partner if you have a good hand."