Parent jokes
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
Your dad never needed a van for you.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what sheβs doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You donβt need a partner if you have a good hand."
Why does an orphanβs calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Fatherβs or Motherβs Days on their calendar.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.