Pain jokes

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"

"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"

Doc: Can I help you?

Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.

Doc: When did it begin?

Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).

Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...

Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.

Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?

Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.

Madden, because tissue, I weep Tears like rivers, cascading deep In this world, so full of strife I find solace in this fragile life.

Oh tissue, tender and so pure, Absorbing pain, a whispered cure. Each tear that falls, you gently hold, A conduit for the stories untold.

In the quiet moments, I confide In your embrace, I can't hide The weight of sorrow, the burden's strain You're there, a balm for every pain.

But madden, oh how you disrupt, In your chaos, emotions erupt. You twist and tangle, hearts collide, Leaving us lost, unable to decide.

Yet even in your tangled mess, You bring forth growth, a rare finesse, For in the madness, we find our way To stand tall, facing a brand-new day.

So madden, meet tissue, ever entwined, In this dance of emotions, our souls aligned. Through tears and anger, joy and fears, We find strength, as life perseveres.

Short and sweet, this tale of strife, Unraveling souls, seeking life. Madden, because tissue, we may be, But we'll rise above, forever free.

"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"

"A broken nose."

I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.

Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.

PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.

Thank you.

Once I got out of bed, my butt hurt afterward.

What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?

You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

What's harder than taking a shit?

Trying to take a shit while constipated!

"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"

Dam, my balls itch like hell.

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?

THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.

I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.

What did the girl say when she ran through the door?

Ouch.

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"