Pain jokes

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

My bum hurts.

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

I can make a word with those: "DICK".

My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

Being gay must be a pain in the ass.

Credit to omnom.

Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”

Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.

I hate salmonella.

It is such a pain in the butt.

"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."

"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

Yesterday I was in a wind storm.

Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.