Oven jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?
The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
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What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
What do you call meat in an oven?
Africa.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.