If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
Yo mama's so skinny that when she walks outside, she floats to Heaven.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.
I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.
Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
Orphans are like a trash can; they live outside.
