Outside Jokes

Yo mom so far that when she walk outside at 8am, it became Mid Night all over again.

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?

European.

What are you on your way to the bathroom?

Russian

I went outside to catch some dog but I mist

I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by, I checked my watch and said, "My how time is FLYING by."

i can here thunder outside which i find weird since the lightning is on my arm....

A Vampire goes to the Bakery:

Vampire🧛‍♂️: „One Bun please.“

Bäcker👩‍🍳: „But you're Vampire, don't you need blood 🩸 ?“

Vampir🧛‍♂️: „Yes, there is an accident outside and i need something to dip“

John Lennon: What a nice view

John walked outside.

He got shot

:skull:

if your pan all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry and you burst out and then say your pansexuial

When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows

Teacher; why did the skeleton know the weather outside(shrugs shoulders) student; cuz he could feel it in his bones(lenny face) teacher:no he read the weather report you fucking idiot

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar. They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements. The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.” The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.” The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”

When it's cold outside men can cut ice in 3 places

So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".

The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"