Outside Jokes

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best looking women

He said the ATM outside

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener? One of them is an outside job

Girl playing outside: step on a line and you break your mommy's spine She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming

Girl playing outside :step on a crack and you break daddy's back She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming

The husband starts celebrating gets in the car and starts to drive away

The son comes outside and steps on a crack

The dad then dies in a car crash

me: i have depression

someone: u should get out more! go outside

me: *goes to the beach* now its a tropical depression

Roses are dead. violets are dying. outside I'm smiling. inside I'm crying.

When you suicide in your house, that's suicide but when you suicide outside, you failed your parkour

My dad told me i'm a failure... I failed a math's test. Good thing theres a pole outside my house.

yo mama so dumb when fox five said its chilly outside she brought a bowlllllll

I wish the grass outside of my house is emo, because it would cut itself

“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink. The gentleman asked, “So how many have you caught today?

”The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

if you want kfc poor water on a poor person outside our resterant and film it

Your momma so stupid when someone said it’s chilly outside she brought a spoon and bowl

Why do violists stand for long periods outside of peoples houses? They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.

Husband: Dammit alice! I'm your husband and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you! Wife: Go to hell Bob! I'm Leaving! Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

When you mom says go to bed but you replied with But mom i need help because it is inside but we are outside

A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked "Dad, what are you wearing?". The father would answer with "A costume for Halloween.". the child asked "can i join?". He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

orphans are like a trash can they live outside

I was outside digging a six foot hole, when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole