What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
The toaster;
otherwise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.
What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?
"I'd smash that."
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
