Otherness jokes
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"
The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."
Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We are both lawyers.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.
What did the one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."
Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.
How do two emo kids greet each other?
"I like ya cut, G."
Dark humor is like food; some people get it, others don't...
Two cunts were walking down the street.
One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
Person 1: Omg, my blind boyfriend cheated on me.
Person 2: What did you expect? Him to see other hoes...
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?
One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
This one butt cheek said to the other one, "It's really personal, but it's okay, I'll tell you." It said, "Hey, let's go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint, watch a movie, and go upstairs in the room and get down."