One jokes

What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?

They both have a hole in one.

What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?

One has papers.

I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.

What is an orphan's least favorite store?

Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.

What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"

Question:

Did you hear the one about MAGA people?

Answer:

It "sucks" just like they do!

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

What did one angry cow say to another?

We got some beef.

When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.

One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.

There was a crying pandemic going around.

What is one thing humans do before they eat?

They beat their meat to make nuggets.

Two female mice met and one spoke:

"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."

Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."

"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

Why did the adopted kid eat the last cookie? Because he was the only one left to adopt; everyone hated him.

There is no god. None, not one.