One jokes

Why am I so successful?

When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.

The Twin Towers ordered a sesame bagel. They got the plane one instead.

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?

Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.