One jokes

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Which way do gay men walk?

One Direction.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.

But one day I realized, they Israel.

How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?

Nail one hand to the ground...

How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.

He said it was a Shitzoo!

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.

What did one canyon say to the other?

You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

The ketchup told a joke. No one was laughing, but the egg was cracking up!

I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

What’s the difference between bossatron5678 and a gay man?

One isn’t retarded, and one isn’t gay; the gay man is dead.

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?