One jokes
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."
One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.
You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "dad."
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?
Ground Beef.
One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.
What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?
ONESY.
“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.
Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
This town ain't big enough for the one of you.
Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?
Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,
Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week
For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me
I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days
Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling
Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island
Don't miss my 9 to 5
Living like a local on this island time
I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow
I'll miss my sandy toes
I've got to go back before you know this island is my home
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Wash it away
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta
Wash it away
Wash it away
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.
Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.
"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."
The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.
"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.