One jokes
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
You should go soul searching. Maybe you'll find one.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Memes
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
Why am I so successful?
When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.
Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!
What's a benefit of being an orphan?
No one makes yo mama jokes to you.
The Twin Towers ordered a sesame bagel. They got the plane one instead.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.