Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
One Jokes
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!
What's a benefit of being an orphan?
No one makes yo mama jokes to you.
The Twin Towers ordered a sesame bagel. They got the plane one instead.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?
One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
