Serial killers be like: blood is red veins are blue, next one is YOU.
Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and can't use my phone in class? cows go moo
A plane is going to crash there are four passengers and only three parachutes. all the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first he says, my fans need me and jumps, Donald trump takes another and says I am the smartest president, jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute. The boy replies don't worry - Donald took my backpack.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer. One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly she did drugs. So one day I go up to her and say “Mari-juana do this????” She later asked me to leave forever..... I don’t gnome why but... it CRACKed me up abit!!!
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.
your so fat no one was laughing but the floor was cracking😄😆😅😂🤣😭
So I was on a discord call the other day and one of my friends American buddies joined and we had a conversation.
Until they say: when did pounds change to quid.
And I said: 'they're the exact same thing.'
Then they said:
"but when did it happen?"
So I said:
"when did school change to shooting range?"
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
99 problems but a chin ain't one
What’s the difference between a apple and a orphan?
One of them get picked.
My aim is cursed one of my angry birds hit a field
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately it was light beer.
you looking for jokes? i have one, your life
my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone's attention.
Why can't a orphan play basketball
Because no one will be cheering them on
Q. There were 2 sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named? A. Denephew.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee. SO his mom said he can have one. He got an esspresso not knowing depresso came with it.
what did one butt cheek say to the other together we can stop this shit
