One jokes

Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?

Because they only gave him one test tickle.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Why do nuns walk in groups?

So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have no one to call "daddy".

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

What’s one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in school zones.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...

There is always a kitchen in the back.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

There is one rapist among us.

Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?

The grim reaper.

Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.

Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

...just kidding-

- none. They can't change anything.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.