One jokes

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."

Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

Why was the orphan so successful?

They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Big hands.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the aeroplane!"

"And here comes the second one!"

What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.