One jokes

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Big hands.

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

I love all races, even the bad ones.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.