One jokes
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
Memes
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.
Why was the orphan so successful?
They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"