One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
I love all races, even the bad ones.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?
Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.
Diddy and Hawk Tuah walk into a bar. Hawk Tuah says, "Spit on that thang!" Only one walks out. 💀
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What do you call a Mexican with one leg?
Border hopper.
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
