One jokes
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
Why did Adolf Hitler wish he had two nuts?
Because he only had one.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.
Why do orphans love a room of mirrors?\n\nBecause they're surrounded by loved ones!
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pizzas and they only got plain: one came late, and then went to the wrong location.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"