Old Jokes

Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.

Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?

In case they get a hole in one.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

How can you find out how old a cabbage is?

By looking at its cabbAGE.

LOL🤣

The image is a two-panel comparison. The top panel shows a sad-looking anime girl with the text, "The old me, who could watch a whole season in a day." The bottom panel features a tired and disheveled Pepe the Frog surrounded by junk food with the text, "The current me, who couldn't even finish 2 episodes."

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

What is an old lady's favorite exercise?

Trying to get up from the soft couch.

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.

What's the worst part about getting old?

Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!

Did you hear about Fridgetair

Kelvinator?

Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?

Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?

Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”

He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

WebMD: Cancer.

I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.

Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.

PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.

Thank you.