Old jokes

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

how old are my girlfriends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters

What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?

They both like keeping one sock for themselves.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

How can you find out how old a cabbage is?

By looking at its cabbAGE.

What's the worst part about getting old?

Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!

Did you hear about Fridgetair

Kelvinator?

Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.

Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?

In case they get a hole in one.

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯