Old jokes

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

What is an old lady's favorite exercise?

Trying to get up from the soft couch.

Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?

Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?

In case they get a hole in one.

Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.