Old jokes

What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?

They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

We are coming out with a Whopper that is similar to a priest because it also has its meat between 5-year-old buns.

Lil Nas X is so gay, I would fuck him in the Old Town Road.

Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.

Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors, which door should you pick?

The seventh door.

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.

Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.

Guys, I know this is kinda weird, but everyone who wants to... Put your name and your age in the comment section. Not address though because that would not be good for creepers... Lol I am Lucy and I am 15 years old. What about you guys? :D

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?

Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.

What is an old lady's favorite exercise?

Trying to get up from the soft couch.