Old jokes
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
What do you call a 17-year-old orphan?
Homeless.
Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?
because it was rated RRRRGGGG.
I am guessing you don't understand :(
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.
"You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.
I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.
Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.
PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.
Thank you.
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂