Old jokes

A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"

Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"

My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?

My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...

Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.

*Everyone Looks at me*

At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!

What's an old man's favorite food?

Wrinkled onions.

Son: Daddy?

Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.

Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?

Dad: Wtf are you talking about?

Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?

Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc

Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.

Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz

Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em

Mom: What the fugde is going on?

Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.

Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?

Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.

Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.

Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??

Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!

Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.

Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!

Son: Huh

Son: Mom FUCK U*

Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off

Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

Son: Moms are the worst, are they?

Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh

What is black and blue and really hates sex? The six-year-old in my basement.

Old ladies are non existent.

You go h dichotomy lol what do you want to what what’s the name for the address for sure what’s what I name it says I name it lol I don’t o I have to get r CB n nu set set e Okay okay I’ll be at my place.

Come back, old members!

A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.

In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?

One lasts long and another doesn't.

I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.

I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

My buddies think I'm on the lake.

Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

And mama's probably on her way

'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

I've been a million places,

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Took a trip down memory lane.

Checked into hotel heartbreak.

Passed rock bottom on the way

Without leaving my living room.

I've been a million places

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Yeah

I've been gone.

All the clothes are on the floor

All the mail's by the door

All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

All the dishes in the sink

All the gas is in the tank

All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

Gone

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.