Old jokes

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.

A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?

Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

What is an old lady's favorite exercise?

Trying to get up from the soft couch.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?

In case they get a hole in one.

Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."