What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?
Your next door grumpy old neighbor.
A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”
The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
Wanna hear a clean one?
Old man takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty one?
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.
What's the difference between all the jokes on this page? Nothing, they're all knockoffs of old jokes you've already heard that aren't funny. Penis!
You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.
Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.
Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?
Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.
A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will you be my girlfriend?"
Girl: "No, because you have a gun and a sword."
Man: "But I am already in love with you."
And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy.
The girl is glad that he has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again.
Man: "Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl."
And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender.
Man: "And here is some candy."
And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too.
One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him."
Girl: "I hate you, ugly man!"
Man: "Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl?"
The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-"
And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw, so he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender.
999 Service Guy: "999, what's your emergency?"
Old man: "I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword in his bag."
999 Service Guy: "Okay, no worries."
1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face.
Guy sitting at a table in the bar: "That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him."
And the police show up.
First Policeman: "Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag?"
The girl points to the man and says "This man."
Second Policeman: "Let's arrest him."
Man: "No, wait! I can explain."
Third Policeman: "Get in the back of the car."
When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years."
One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison.
The police see him and run after him.
Third Policeman: "Come back here!"
The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running, so the police shoot him and he dies.
And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
