Old jokes

A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.

3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.

Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"

Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"

Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."

Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.

Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"

Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.

So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?

An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.

They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.

"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.

The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.

"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."

They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.

"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.

When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.

"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."

Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.

The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.

"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.

"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."

POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.

What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.

Why should old women never eat seafood?

'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!