Old jokes
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
Did you hear about Fridgetair
Kelvinator?
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.
Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.
I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.
Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.
Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.
Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!