Old jokes
Did you hear about Fridgetair
Kelvinator?
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.
Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.
PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.
Thank you.
Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Yo mama so fat and old, she lifted her boob to wash under it, and a pilgrim fell from under it.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?