Old jokes

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?

In case they get a hole in one.

Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

How can you find out how old a cabbage is?

By looking at its cabbAGE.

Did you hear about Fridgetair

Kelvinator?

What's the worst part about getting old?

Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!

What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."