Old jokes
What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?
One lasts long and another doesn't.
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.
You look like a 2 year old drawing that came alive.
Yo mama so old that when she farts, she farts dust!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
What's great about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
There's ate of them.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?
A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.
What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?
If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
xthegamer0 is 35. He grew up with GTA5 and is still playing it today.
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"