Old jokes

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?

They both died with red rings.

I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"

Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."

Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"

On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

A priest walks into a wine store.

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.

"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.