"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA đź’Ł"
Occupation Jokes
What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
Do you know a funny bus driver? I do.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
Leave you answer in the comments. The answer will be revealed in 24 hours.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
The rapist is a therapist.
Lol.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
"Aye, matey."
What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?
An art attack!
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
A skeleton decided to become an assassin.
He was always skull-king around!
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
