Occupation jokes
"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
Do you know a funny bus driver? I do.
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!
Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
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The rapist is a therapist.
Lol.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
"Aye, matey."
What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?
An art attack!
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
What did the bulldozer say to the house?
"I wanna bulldoze houses!"
My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.