Occupation jokes
Twin monks who ring the church bells died.
Now they are dead ringers. :)
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
Why are the candy's clothes in the studio?
Because it's a wrapper.
Why couldn't the cowboy go to the rodeo?
He forgot his calves!
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
We gotta work ahead, people!
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?
One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
The DNA told the tailor he couldn't find his genes.
What's black, long and full of seamen?
A submarine.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To give everyone FRESH CUTS.
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.