Occupation jokes

What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?

Get a fucking job.

I've done a ton of work today.

A SKELE-ton of work!

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?

An Amish Mechanic.

What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?

Ivana Pulyova.

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.

What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.

3.14% of sailors are pirates.

3.14% of sailors are...

π-rates.

Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.

Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

Pokémon!

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"