Occupation jokes
What do you call a nerd in space?
A space nerd.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.
According to the pole 💈.
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
What do dentists play at their practice?
Dental records.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.