New Occupation Jokes - Page 18

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Milk man.

Milkman who?

Milk poooooooooooooooop peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep man!

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.

What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?

A sea minor.

It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.

Most foresters have a wooden personality.

What is a Finnish Spitz's favorite comedian?

Redd Foxx.

What did the bull say to the bullfighter?

What's the "matador?"

Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?

She ended up under the doc[tor].

One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

Man: "I am 35 years old."

Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

What kind of people love donuts in the morning? Cops, because they don't have anything else to do.

So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I cry when I chop up onions.

What did the hairdresser say to the power line?

"Want a power cut?"

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?

Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.

The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”