What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
Two lawyers are sitting on a park bench, and these two beautiful women walk by. The first lawyer says to the other, “Let’s go fuck these chicks.”
The second lawyer says, “Outta what?”
Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
How many Lowe’s could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe’s?
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What's the difference between a businessman and a businesswoman? Wo!
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
