Occupation jokes
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What do you call someone who fixes walls?
Juan, probably.
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.
But I got fired from that job.
What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What do you call a black guy on the moon?
YOU RACISTS! An astronaut!
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
"Aye, matey."
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?
They both use strap on tools.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
Why did the mailman come to the house?
To come back with the milk.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
To have someone to call "daddy!"
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.
"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?
He kept dropping the bass."