In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
Occupation Jokes
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...
Handy Andy.
What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?
An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.
What's an astronaut's favorite game? Space-ball!
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
...Because there's always a cast!
Bob the builder.
Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?
Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.
Tell it to your parents and friends!
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
I'm looking for the bartender.
Person named Bart:
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
