Nutrition jokes
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
What's your mum's favourite food?
Chicken nuggets! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
I keep getting ads about belly fat.
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
Why don’t oranges 🍊 go around blind?
Because they take Vitamin See!
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
The wheelchair.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.