Numbers jokes
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
Memes
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
They say there is strength in numbers. Tell that to the people in the World Trade Center.
What is the number one song played in Columbine High? Smells Like Teen Spirit.
I like my clocks like I like people.
Under 12.
Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
An Asian student was learning logarithm in class. He wrote down his name after the question. The teacher asked why. He replied, "My class ID is number 1."
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
I harvested indigo to make dye. I made the dye. I made a number dye. I dyed the dye. I rolled the dye. It made me die.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"