Numbers jokes
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
What is the highest number?
420.
Why was number 10 scared?
It was surrounded by 9/11.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
Now why was 10 afraid? Because it was in the middle of 9-11.
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?
Why was ten scared? Because it was between 9/11.
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9, then why was 10 afraid? Because it was right in the middle of 9/11.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9, right?
No. It's because 7 was a repeated 6 offender.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Why was 10 scared? Because it was scared of 9/11. And why did I have to take a fall? I have nothing to do with the big II.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.