Numbers jokes
What is Hawking's number one song? The Beach Boys: "I Get Around."
Yo mama so fat, when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight, not your phone number.”
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate six, five!
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
What is the highest number?
420.
I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.
Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
62 is not just any number, as it so happens to be my height, 6'2", just as 25 is my age on Facebook.
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia? Sexy kids.
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
The last number of your like is the Amogus you get.
1: Amogus trollface
2: Frogus
3: Amogus in 2013
4: Chogus
5: Classic Amogus
6: Wait this isn't Amogus
7: Amogus drip
8: Amog sus
9: Amog stuff
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
I will give you all the fine chicks you want. Just dial this number: 313-974- tap that ass from Hooters strip club.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it's in the middle of 9/11!